Deshtalin

My father explained to me the way I work. He says we're one and the same. Our blood runs in our veins the same way, says he, and he's not talking about biology. We are a brand of people, me and him and our family before us. A brand all our own. When we shoot for stars, we reach them. When we work hard, we achieve. But it isn't all success for our kind, no, he says. We are a brand of people. We are an INTENSE brand. We drive ourselves and people to their limits, then past them. People don't like that. We are alone, says he, but we are successful. I have inherited loneliness. If I had to choose, I would choose to fail.

I hear the same things. The sights are unchanged. Food still smells good. Water still quenches. But if the world is as it was before, Then why do I feel so different? You're gone. And when you left, You left me broken. Would it have been too much to ask, Really, would it? To have left me with a piece of my soul still intact? Knives in rivers. They shouldn't be tempting. I shouldn't want to write this. I should be whole. Why aren't I? It isn't your fault, I know. For the first time, I don't understand. Why is this happening? I thought, truly, That if I did good things, Good things would happen to me. I don't know why

When the smallest shred of light shows through a black canvas of all the years of everything that can't be forgotten, No matter how hard I try, I will see you and know, how the light came to be. I will remember everything that made the nights so dark, and I'll turn my back on them, because I have a bright future with you. A future full of cloud watching, and pizza parlor lunches, and piano playing, playing the sweetest melody, one of "I will not be like them". And for once, I can believe it, believe you, when you say that all is not lost. It's the past's hard times that make us who we are now, but it's the future's br

It will be okay, And so will I. I wonder, sometimes, And increasingly more often, If I am really so lost, As I thought I was. Surely, it will all get better. There's no need, For the most drastic measure. There's no need, For me to miss you, Any longer. I will be happy. If not with you, Then for you. I will live. I am determined.

One year's worth of good morning, One year of hello. One year of smiles, One year of laughter. It's been a year, today And I don't regret a second. One year of singing to myself, And singing to you. One year of trading tears for smile lines, One year of fond remembrances. Summer, Fall, Winter, Spring, All of it with you, And I loved every second.

I wonder, again, what you look like, What you sound like. Undoubtedly, It's the most lovely sight, The most lovely sound, I will ever know. I remember, Sometimes, Seeing you. I should have memorized you. I should have known, That one day I would Pine for the Sight of you. I remember, The sound of you, Of your laugh, The sound of your voice. I should have recorded it, Knowing I would one day, Crave it as I do. I should have remembered, Because I will never get the sight, Or the sound. Will I know you now, That I can no longer see, Or hear, You?

Those rings, Around you neck. I know who they belonged to, A long time ago. I know what hapened to her. I know where she is, Who she was, What she was to you. I know it all now. I traded for it, You see. I pulled th information out, Out of thin air, From an unwilling victim, Of my cautionless adoration. As cautionless as yours was once, For the owner of the rings.

I will never dance with you. I will never see you cry and wipe away the tears. I will never hold your hand at Six Flags. I will never kiss you. I will never sing to you. I will never bring you flowers on Valentine's Day, I will never run with you in the pouring rain. I will never write you another love letter. I will never say Happy Birthday. I will never text you good morning. So many things and more that I will never do. I regret everyday not holding on to what I had, Because I knew one day I would have to lose it. Do not fear losing people, things. It may be inevitable, But hold on to the joy. Don't ever give it up.

You offered me a choice, With one very easy answer, And one much harder answer. One right, One wrong, And I knew it. One what I wanted, What I had been dreaming of, And one that would end my chances. A simple yes, Would give me everything I wanted and more, And Yet, A yes was the wrong answer. A simple no, And everything, Is over. What we want is not always right, And what is right is not always what we want. I did what was right. I chose wrong.

After everything I did, Everything for you, This is how you repay me? You've been lying to me, My dear, Lying as long as I've known you. Who is he, The one you never mentioned, Who ruined my world in a heartbeat? Why him, When I could have given you, Just as much? All that I did, I did for you, All I do, still. But All I had, Wasn't enough for you, Was it? I gave you everything, My heart, My soul, But it wasn't enough. Not enough, Never enough. Why do you lead me on as you do? Why not just break my heart at one time?